my blue eyed saving grace
by snipermathlove29
Summary: Sam Winchester came out to his parents the night of his senior prom. With their anger and banishment of their son because of his sexuality, he moves in with his brother dean, one of the few people who stay with him despite his sexuality along with his best friend jess, and their uncle bobby. Nine years later, he is attracted to a very good looking man working at Starbucks with unma
1. Chapter 1

May 18, 2006

Senior year, high school. A time when the girls were going out and shopping for the best prom dress money could buy. The best shoes, jewelry, and hair styles to match, all to impress their dates. And the guys were all planning on the best way to end the night in a hotel room with their dates. It should be what every high school student was planning on. It's what his mother had been on his case about for the entire month. "I just don't understand why you don't want to go to prom Samuel! I'm sure you would have no problem finding a beautiful girl and having the time of your life!" She had said that so many times Sam had lost count. He loved his mother, he really did. But he was ready to explode.

Finally a week ago, she had tried again to get him to see her reason and it was dean, who was visiting for their weekly family dinner, who intervened. "Jesus mom, he doesn't want to go! Get off his back! Not everyone wants to spend a shit ton of money on stuff their only going to wear once and not think twice about the next day!" She had huffed angrily then left the two boys to themselves while she went to check on the roast. Sam was so grateful for his brother that he went and wrapped dean in a tight hug to show his appreciation. Dean had laughed, squeezed Sam, then let him go. "Don't worry little bro. I always have your back!"

It was now a week later and the prom is tonight. He could tell his mom was dying to say something more to him about it but so far she had held her tongue. Dean should be here in a bit so sam decides to lounge in his room reading a book. He hates hiding but he just can't take the looks his mom is giving him. Even his dad has started to look like he wants to bring himself into the arguments. He knew he would have to tell them soon, there is no way around it. But how did he go about telling his mom and dad that he was gay? How were they going to react? How was dean going to react? That was his biggest fear. He could handle what most people thought about him. But when it came to his brother, he wanted him to think the very best.

7:00p.m.

They were all sitting down at the dining room table. His dad had decided to cook burgers on the grill so the table was packed with tomatoes, lettuce, pickles, condiments, chips and drinks. Dean was sat by him and his mom and dad were across from them. So far talk has been small. His folks had been asking Dean about his job at his uncle bobby's auto shop/salvage yard. "So are you not planning on going to college at all? You can only make a living there for so long. What about when you have a family?" His mom was saying to Dean. This was a never ending battle for him. His parents never seemed to hear him when he said he didn't want a family. His dad came in with "When I was your age I had already had one kid. And a good steady job." Dean sighed. This is why he only made the long drive once a week. The headache he got wasn't worth more. "Yeah I know dad. But times are different now. Just because I'm 22 doesn't mean I have to go looking for someone to marry and pop out a few Winchesters. I want to live my life!"

"We know honey." Their mother said in that condescending tone that said she was just placating him. "We just want what's best for you. We don't want you wasting your life away and missing certain chances you will never get back. Take Sam and his prom..." Sam groaned. He knew it wouldn't last long. She just had to bring it up, again, that he was missing a golden opportunity. " And for all we know she could have been our future daughter in law! I just don't think he understands what missing something like that entails!"

"I understand perfectly mom. You haven't let me forget it! I'm not going to prom. It's too late anyway. So you just need to suck it up!" He really hadn't meant to get snippy with his mom, he just didn't know how much more of this he could take.

"Don't you talk to your mother like that! She is just worried about you! We both are! We never see you with anyone. You've never been out with anyone. I mean, what's going on with you?"

Sam looked at his mom, then his dad, then back to his plate. " There just hasn't been anyone I'm interested in"

"Oh now that's ridiculous. There are so many pretty girls around. You just need to be brave and try to talk to them!"

"Mom, Sam said he doesn't want to date. You can't make him.." Thank you Dean!

"He is just being shy. You know how he is. "

Sam had had enough. "No mom, you just don't know how it is."

"Oh what do you mean? Your my son. Of course I know you."

"I'm gay mom"

The silence in the room was so pregnant they could hear a dog barking blocks away. Ok, so he could have probably found a different way to break it to them. But come on, everyone had a breaking point.

"I'm sorry, what did you just say?" His dad said, and for the first time for as long as Sam could remember, he looked pissed.

Sam looked at his dad, then at his mom "I'm gay. So it would be hard for me to go to the prom since i'm not really into girls." He kept his gaze on his mother. He was scared to look at his father. He refused to look at Dean.

His mom looked at him, shock coloring her beautiful face, before it morphed into anger and, god, disgust. "What do you mean your gay? Please Sam, please tell me you just mean happy." Her voice had gone so cold that Sam was surprised he couldn't see his breath fog. He shook his head. Still not looking up. She took a sharp breath then stood fast, the scrape of the chair loud to his ears. His mom started crying, turning quickly to leave the room, only to stall at the door, "I can't accept this. It's wrong, Your wrong"

His dad was quick to cover for his wife. " It's fucking disgusting! I won't have it in my house! You either figure out a way to fix yourself or you leave now! I wont stand to have a son of mine be some peter pumping dick swallowing..." As he spoke he was slowly advancing on Sam, his fist raised. "Faggot, living under my roof!" He stopped in front of Sam and swung his hand back. Sam ducked, waiting for the blow...

But it never came. He heard the slap of flesh being caught and when he looked up he saw his dads hand in Deans closed fist. The look on Deans face was one Sam had never seen. One of almost pure hatred.

Dean had stood up so fast his chair went flying towards the wall. He was between his father and Sam before his dad had finished speaking. He had managed to remain sitting while his father had thrown his hate, fully intending on defending his brother. But when he saw his fathers fist raise he stepped in. " You come any closer to my brother, you homophobic bastard, and I will make you bleed." If push came to shove, his side will always be by Sammy.

Their mom gasped in surprise Their dad rounded on Dean, jerking his hand out of Dean's grasp. "You can't honestly tolerate this.. this... abomination! We've raised you both better than that! Like I said I wont stand to have a faggot in my house. And I won't stand for my only son, The only son I claim as of now, tolerate it either!"

It was Sam's turn to gasp in surprise. Tears worked their way down his face as he closed his eyes. He had known they would be surprised, even mad or upset. But to completely erase him from their lives? He buried his face in his hands, unaware anymore of what was going on around them.

"Then I guess we won't be in your house after tonight. If this is how you treat your own flesh and blood because of a choice he makes in his life, I don't want it and he sure as hell don't need it." Dean turned to his brother. His heart broke for the teenager. Dean walked to him, knelt down and gently pulled his hands away from his face. Like he did when he was younger and Sam had gotten hurt, Dean wiped his tears away. "Come on Sammy, Your coming with me, ok little brother?"

Sam couldn't hear him. The words faggot, only son I claim, playing harshly through his mind. Slowly, Deans voice came to him.

"Sammy?" He gently grabbed his chin and brought Sams eyes level with his. "Sammy, go to your room and pack your things. Anything you want to bring. Load up my car, I don't care. Anything else we can't right now we will come back for." He spoke the last five words to his dad, looking at him with so much hate Sam could only nod then took off up the stairs to his room.

10 minutes later he was at the front door, walking out with the last of the stuff he would carry. As he was walking out the door he heard his dad shout to Dean "This is your only chance dean! If you walk out that door, you and that faggot had better not ever pollute our doorstep again!" Deans only reply was a harsh "FUCK YOU" before slamming the door on his dad. Sam put his stuff in the truck then sat in the passenger seat next to his brother. When Dean started the car Sam realized the tears were still coming down his face.

"Dean reached across the seat to grab his brother into a quick hug "Hey Sammy, it's ok. Your going to be ok. I'm going to make sure of it!" He turned back and started the car.

"What about mom and dad dean? You shouldn't have to turn your back on them because I'm different." He didn't deserve it. It was his fault his family was now broken. "They would still love you. Your not a fag..." "Don't you dare say that word to me Sammy!" Deans sharp anger had Sam stopping short of finishing. "Don't you say anything that those bastard said to you tonight. Do you honestly think I care that your gay!" Dean reached over and took Sams hand in his own. "Your my little brother Sammy. I love you. And if the two people who brought you into this world can't except that then like I told dad, fuck them! We don't need them!"

Sam sat quietly as he let the words sink in. His brother was with him. just like he had always been. "I love you too Dean. You've always been there for me. No matter what. Thank you."

Dean smiled and released Sams hand and focused on the road, shooting Sam sideways glances. " Yeah, and I always will be. It will always be you and me Sam. Dean and Sam Winchester against the world!"

Sam laughed a weak laugh at his brother, "Why not Sam and Dean Winchester against the world?"

"Cuz I'm older and hotter!

"Jerk"

"Bitch"

As they drove to their uncle Bobbies, where Dean had told him is where he had been staying, not in the apartment he told his parents about, Sam was convinced of two things. One, he would never trust someone as much or love someone as much as he did his brother. And two, while he loved his hometown of Laurence Kansas, he knew he needed to start somewhere fresh. And while the thought scared the shit out of him, he knew he would be ok. Because he had his brother by his side.

 **Notes:**

I have rewritten this Chapter and will be working on the others shortly. If you have read this, please feel free to reread. Some things have been added and some has been removed. I really hope you enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2

9 years later...

"No, Mrs. lumas, I promise you. Sadie is just suffering from a bout of gas. It sometimes happens when you change their dog food to a different brand after so long on one. Her and those puppies are doing fantastic." Sam smiled at the young woman holding the leash of her golden retriever. Her and her dog were one of sams favorite patients but he had long since excepted the headache he knew would come with her. In his mind, she was like a first time mother, calling the doctor over hiccups that last too long or a hard stomach which she claims is cancer.

"Now she has an appointment coming up in two weeks for a check up. I will do another ultrasound just to ease your worries but I believe we should see those puppies before too long."

He smiled as he walked her and Sadie out the door. "Thank you Sam. I was so worried about her! Its just not like her to lay around and whine." Mrs. Lumas was saying as she walked out.

Sam smiled, while trying to hurry out his last patient of the day. "Its no problem at all. Call me anytime if you have anymore concerns."

As he shut and locked the door, heaving a heavy sigh, he heard his best friend/receptionist give her two cents, "that's why you don't have a life and never date. You tell your patients they can call you anytime and they give you no time to yourself." 26 year old Jess was Sams best friend. When she had found out that Sams parents had abandoned both Sam and Dean for staying with his brother, she had jumped in instantly to be supportive of both him and Dean. When they had decided they needed to get out of Laurence, she packed up her belongings with just a "so where are we going?" and moved with them to Sioux Falls South Dakota.

Dean is now co owner of Singer Auto, working alongside their uncle Bobby. Bobby was startled when they showed up at his door at almost midnight with Sam still red eyed. Dean explained everything that had happened to Sam with his parents. Explained Jess not wanting to leave Sam, and why she moved with them. When he was finished Bobby poured each of them a healthy two fingers of whiskey, gave Sam a tight hug, and said that if his friend was too stupid to see what great sons he has, then Bobby had no problem filling in for him and has since washed his hands of John and Mary Winchester. They had stayed with him for almost 2 years until Bobby sold Dean half of the business and Sam was into his second year of veterinary school. Now, 9 years later, Sam owned his own clinic with Jess by his side.

"But, Jess, seeing as I have no inclination to date, that's fine by me." He took his white coat off and slung it onto the coat rack, grabbing his own. It was Friday and he had plans to meet Jess and Dean at the roadhouse for dinner and some drinks. "What time am I meeting you both?"

Two years ago Jess and Dean had started casually dating. Just dinner here and there and some drinks. About 6 months into it they got more serious. Staying at each others places and more time out. It was weird at first for sam but all he wanted for them both was for them to be happy. Looking at the way they are now, he was glad they found each other. " We should be there about 7:30. Dean already called Ellen and she is saving our table for us." Sam smiled as they both walked out of the building, Jess locking the door behind her. He waved bye to her then got into his car.

Making his way to his apartment he couldn't help but think of what Jess had said. He knew both her and Dean worried about him. About how he had no wanting to date or to find someone. "Why would I put myself out there only to get hurt because of who I am?" he always said. They would always back off for a bit just to come back and try to get him to talk to the guy at the bar they saw him looking at. Or jess with "i know someone who is looking to hook her friend up for a blind date." Dean had shot that one down. Though he would love to see his brother find someone who cared for him, he didn't want him out there blindly with strange men. Bless him!

Pulling into the parking lot of The Roadhouse, he spotted Deans impala toward front. Parking his car he got out and headed in. The smell of grease, fat, and beer hit him instantly and he was starving as soon as one foot was inside. He spotted dean and jess at their table and made his way there. "Hey Samantha. Was worried, did you need the whole beauty aisle to help you get ready?" Dean smiled as he took a drink of his beer. "Why, because im not the type of guy who grabs the first shirt and jeans my hands land on?" Sam says, his mind already going over the list of drinks he would like to try. "I'm going to get my beer, if the waitress comes i want my usual." Walking away, he heard Deans "bitch" thrown at him. "jerk" he threw over his shoulder as he walked toward the bar.

Ellen Harvelle was in one word, amazing! She made the best burger"s in the country, as far as Sam was concerned. And she had become a second mother to Dean and Sam. She along with Bobby had thrown John and Mary out of her life and now spent her time devoted to Sam and Dean, along with her daughter Jo. "Hey honey. How ya doing?" She leaned over the bar so Sam could plant a kiss to her cheek. "I'm good Ellen. Been a crazy week so i'll have whatever is on tap and a shot of whiskey." Ellen smiled then went to make his drinks. Sam turned while he waited to look at the table. Jo, Ellens daughter, was their taking their orders. When his eyes shifted around the room he was met with a pair of the bluest eyes Sam had ever seen across the bar. He had seen those eyes before, at the local Starbucks, every morning. There he expects them. There he can smile and act like the mans smile and those peircing eyes don't heat every cell in Sams body.

Here, he is completely caught off guard. The man stared at him like he was the only person in the room. Devouring him with that look. He tilted his head to the side slightly, as though in thought. Then smiled at Sam, a perfect, come hether, smile. For a moment Sam forgot how to breathe. He heard the clink of glass as Ellen set his drinks on the bar. As the man pushed himself away from the wall, headed in his direction, Ellen broke his trance. "Here you go Sam" Taking a deep breath Sam thanked her and told her to put it on his tab. Looking away from the man he quickly grabbed his drinks then made his way to Dean and Jess, who were trying, as it appeared, to swallow each others tongues.

Sam sat down heavily, put his beer on the table and threw back his shot of whiskey. Dean looked at him out of the corner of his eye then, noting his brothers breathing and flushed face, turned to fully face him. "Hey man, whats up?" Sam looked at him, trying to figure out how to word it. Then decided he needed more courage and brought the beer to his lips, draining half the contents in three swallows. Jess reached out her hand to grab his arm. "Sam, whats going on? You looked freaked!" Jo brought their food out that that moment so he was saved from answering for a few more minutes. After she left he turned to them, knowng he would not get away without answering them.

"You know that guy i told you about. The one who works the counter at Starbucks?"

Jess thought for a minutes, "The one with the insanely blue eyes that are always on you when we're there?"

"He doesn't watch me" sam said, a heavy blush forming on his face.

Jess laughed "Oh please! Yesterday when we met up before work. As soon as he saw you in line his smile lit the room. He chatted you up when he was just polite to everyone else. AND" she continued when Sam was going to interrupt "When you were coming back with the drinks, his eyes were all over your backside. The same smile on his face. The lady that was behind us had to snap her fingers in his face to make him come back down to planet earth!" Dean laughed at that. The jerk.

Sam said nothing as he sat there and started on his salad. Dean leaned in. "Sam, it sounds like this guy is really into you. Maybe you should give it a shot." Sam was shaking his head before his brother stopped speaking. "No. it's not worth it. I'm not..." the words Worth it were not spoken but Dean knew he was thinking it. Dean sighed and started on his burger, knowing there was no point arguing.

Half way through the meal Ellen came back and sat a glass of whiskey on the table in front of sam, napkin underneath it. Sam looked up at her, confused, "I didn't order another shot." Ellen smiled, "I know honey, baby blues over there did." Sam leaned around her and sure enough there he was, watching Sam. His gaze still just a piercing but slightly softer. Ellen walked back toward the bar. Sam smiled slightly at him, nodded his head once, then threw back the shot. The guy smiled again before he looked back toward his friend, who had been talking to him about something.

"SEE!" Jess shouted. "He is totally into you!" Dean took the napkin from under the glass, examined it. "I'm with her, he really is interested."

Sam shook his head again "Why? because he bought me a shot. He's probably done that a million times. It doesn't mean I'm anything special." He said, finishing his salad and his beer.

"Yes you are!" He said, eyeing his brother. "And I think he thinks so too. If this is anything to go by." And he flipped the napkin over, revealing a phone number and the letter C.

Sam stared at it like it might attack him. He slowly took it and stared at it some more. After a few minutes he looked back to where the man was standing, only to find him gone. His buddy still there.

He looked back to Jess and Dean. "You really think it's worth it?" The way he said it almost broke deans heart. Cursing his parents and Eric once more, he looked his brother straight in the eyes. "Yes Sammy. I really do. You know me. I can read people pretty good. The way he was looking at you...Is probably how I look when I look at jess. He may not work out, he may be your forever. But I think its time you tried again. You deserve to be happy Sam."

Jess was nodding her head as her boyfriend spoke. If anyone deserved a chance to be happy, it was Sam. Maybe this guy was it.

Sam looked undecided for a moment. Staring at his empty beer bottle, lost in thought. When he looked up again, he looked scared, but determined. "I need to think about it. I can't promise anything, but I will think about it." Getting up, he hugged his brother and kissed Jess on the cheek. He turned toward the bar, paid his check, then walked out.

Jess turned to Dean, "Do you think he will do it?"

Dean looked at her with a smile, "I don't know. But I think the fact that he took the number with him is a very good sign!"


	3. Chapter 3

Monday morning, 6A.M. found Sam running down the main street of his small town. He enjoyed being out this early in the morning. Watching the world wake up and start their day. He didn't listen to any music as he made his way further down the road, preferring the sounds surrounding the streets. He slowed his pace down to a brisk walk as he headed toward Starbucks for his every weekday coffee. He had given what

Dean and Jess said a lot of thought over the weekend. He was not 100% convinced he should go through with calling the other man. Every time he thinks about it his mind always conjures up the worst. The guy was just stringing him along. Make him think he was perfect only to tell him at the end it was all just a joke. But Dean was right. It had been years since Eric and sam finally felt that he was ready to try again. Despite what he told Dean and jess, he didn't want to be alone. He longed for someone to be with and talk too. Someone to go to the movies with or just lounge at each others places. Someone to love him for who he was!

As he made his way up the steps to Starbucks his pulse picked up. "Damn it, calm down Sam! its not like he's going to jump you!" He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself and looked in the window of the shop. There at the register was the man with the hypnotic blue eyes. Damn he was gorgeous! And that didn't do a damn thing to help bring his pulse rate down! Oh well, he could play off his ragged breathing to the fact that he had been running.

Taking one more deep breath he pulled the door open and was instantly awake just by the delicious aroma that was all around him. Walking up to the counter he waited while the guy had his back to him, preparing another customers coffee. He tilted his head in sams direction, "I'll just be a minute" then went back to his task. Sam, deciding he wanted a blueberry muffin, said to him "No worries" then saw to his surprise the guy slightly jolted when he spoke. He finished the brew he was making and handed it over to the lady waiting beside him. He barely handed her the cup before he turned his full attention to sam, that sexy smile of his bright on his face.

"Good morning! How are you?" He asked, curiously. He had been intrigued by the man on the other side of the counter for some time. He had hoped over the weekend he would use the number he had given him but it was actually fine that he didn't. This weekend his time had been taken by his brother. Maybe soon though...

"I'm good man, just getting my day started." Sam felt like what he said was lame but he really couldn't think of what else to say. When he noticed there were people standing in line behind him he hurried to order. "I'll just have a grande White Chocolate Mocha with a Blueberry muffin please."

The guy smiled while he rang him up. Sam took his change, startled by the shock of electricity that came when their hands brushed against each other, then stood to the side to wait while his drink was prepared.

He was watching him put his drink together then turning to grab his muffin. All the while stealing glances at Sam. The more he watched him, the more Sam thought Dean had been right. Maybe this guy was really interested in him. Maybe he was missing the chance of a lifetime by not calling him.

He was brought back to his senses when he heard him say in his deep, sexy voice, "Here you go man"

Sam walked over to him, took his muffin, and when he went to grab his coffee he made sure that their fingers would graze against each other. His eyes widened slightly, as did the other guys, when that same shock went through them.

Sam thanked him and turned so he could take care of his other customers. As he was walking out he looked down at his cup and saw other letters other than his name. Bringing it up for a closer look he was surprised by what he saw.

 **I hope I hear from you soon!;)**

Sam looked back in to see him staring at him while the lady in front was digging out her money. Sam smiled slightly and nodded his head. If the guys smile had gotten any brighter sam was sure all the bulbs in this place would blow. He did notice how his eyes seemed to get brighter when he smiled. And sam left the shop feeling better than he had in awhile, knowing that smile was because of him! ********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************** Sam was sitting in his office, eating his turkey sandwich he had brought with him for lunch when his phone rang. Glancing at the screen he saw it was dean. "Hey man, what's up?" He asked, taking a quick bite.

"so, what's this I hear from my girlfriend that you have a hot guys number and have not put it to good use yet?"

Sam laughed, "Dean! I didn't know you went both ways! Maybe I should give YOU his number huh? Him being hot and all!" Sam knew his brother only had eyes for jess. But it was fun giving him a hard time.

"Bitch!" His brother's legendary comeback. "Jerk" He really needed a new comeback to that!

"Sam, seriously. Call him." Sam sighed.

"It's not that easy. What if I choke up trying to ask him. He will see what a loser I am and hang up on me."

"Sammy, if you call yourself a loser one more time I will come down there and kick your ass!" Dean hated it when his brother put himself down!

"Sorry. I want do. I really do. I just don't know how."

"How about a text? That would be easier." Sam thought about it. Yeah it would be easier. How could he mess up a text...better not to think about it. "Ok, I'll text him. I promise."

Dean grinned, though he knew his brother couldn't see it. "Good! I've got to head back. Jess said she will be back in about 10."

"Sounds good. See you later." Sam hung up his phone but held it tight. Using his other hand he pulled the napkin out of his pocket. No one but him needed to know he put it in a pocket of every pair of jeans he wore since Friday night.

He stared at the number for a second, wondering again about the letter C. Chris? Charles? The list was endless. Only one way to find out. He put the number in his phone then typed his message. Simple to start.

 **HI**

He put the phone on his desk then went to get him another water bottle. As he was walking back he heard I ding.

 _Hey! could I ask who this is?_

Sam frowned. Was he expecting someone else?

 **Who are you hoping it is?**

Almost a full minute later his text comes in.

 _Well, i'm really hoping its this guy I gave my number too Friday night. Tall, very well built, very good looking! I had to leave before I could talk to him._

Sam smiled and before he could reply he had another text.

 _And he looked really good this morning when he came in for his coffee and muffin._

Sam laughed at that. How had he looked good? He had just been running!

 **You got me!**

 _YES! I'm glad you text me! I was starting to worry you lost my number. I was going to write it on your coffee cup again just to be sure!_

 **Sorry to have kept you waiting. I had some things I had to figure out.**

 _Oh? And you figured them out?_

 **Yup!**

He smiled and gave it a minute. He got 30 seconds before his phone beeped again.

 _...Care to elaborate?_

He laughed.

 **Yeah, I've figured out I really want to take you out Friday night if your free.**

 _I would love too! I am available anytime Friday. Where should we go?_

Sam thought for a minute.

 **Hmm. How about we go back to The Roadhouse?**

He waited a full two minutes and when another text didn't come through he started to send another one saying they could go anywhere the other man wanted when another text came through.

 _Sorry. i'm off my break and it's harder for me to text. The Roadhouse sounds perfect! How about we meet about 7? That will give us time to get to know each other before the Friday night crowd comes in._

 **7 sounds great! I will see you then! :)**

 **BTW what's your name?**

 _I will tell you on our date! :) See you Friday night! Feel free to text me before then! I'd like to talk to you more! C-_

 **I think I can do that! See you then. S-**

Sam had a date Friday night! Wow! He was scared out of his mind. But when he thought about the man at Starbucks, he found that he couldn't wait for Friday night to get here!

Wrapping up his forgotten turkey sandwich, he put it in the fridge then grabbed his phone. He sent both dean and jess a quick text that only read

 **Roadhouse. Friday. :)**

When he went to unlock the doors to the clinic his phone beeped several times. Deciding to check them before he unlatched the lock he flipped his phone open. Multiple text from both stating WAY TO GO BUDDY, and THATS AWESOME, and WHEN CAN WE MEET HIM. That one he knew was from jess. But the one that stood out was the last one from his brother.

 _I'm proud of you bro!_

Sam smiled. Today was going to be a great day! And with that thought in mind, he went to unlock the door and greet his afternoon patients.


	4. Chapter 4

The following days had been uneventful to sam and before he knew it, it was Friday. He had just closed shop with jess and was now waving bye to her as she drove away. He drove straight home and jumped in the shower. He had the water scolding and made sure to scrub his hair more than usual and got out his favorite body wash. He knew this date would not end in the bedroom but that didn't stop him from wanting to make one hell of a first impression!

Walking out of his room, towel hung low around his waist, he made his way to his closet. He was very much undecided on what to wear tonight. He wanted to look good but didn't want to appear that he was trying too hard. He skimmed through his wardrobe for quite some time until he decided on a pair of dark blue jeans and a white long sleeve button up shirt and his black boots. After he was dressed he looked in the mirror and as a last minute decision he rolled the sleeves up to his elbows. Two squirts of cologne and a light brushing of his hair and he is good to go!

Grabbing his wallet, keys, and cell phone he headed out the door.

The Roadhouse was pack tonight! Sam pulled into the parking lot and had to circle around twice to find a space for his car. Once he found one, in the back, he grabbed his keys and made his way inside. He waved to Ellen who spotted him as soon as he walked in. Scanning the room, he searched every table but did not see the blue eyed man who had been in his thoughts at least 98% of the day this week. As he was scanning the room once more he felt someone come to stand behind him a split second before there was a voice by his hear, "Looking for someone?" Gooseflesh erupted on sams skin as he turned and got his first sight of him. He was in dark pants like them, though his shirt was black. The combo bringing his blue eyes more vibrant than sam had ever seen.

"Hi! I was just looking for you! But...I guess...you knew that. That's why I'm standing here." Sam rambled when we was nervous. Luckily he was cut off when C laughed.

"Your cute when you ramble. Shall we find a table?" he asked. Sam nodded then followed him to a table they both spotted not far from the bar. He tried not to pay to much attention on the fact that they were walking very close to one another. When they reached their table C pulled one chair back and held it for sam. Sam, slightly surprised, walked to the chair and took his seat. He tried not to react to much when his C's fingers grazed his shoulders when he pushed the chair forward. He walked around and took the other chair, opposite sam.

"You didn't have to do that. But thank you." Sam prayed to god he was not blushing!

"My mother always told me to be a perfect gentleman. And that went with both Men and Women." He smiled then, grabbing a menu and taking a look at what sounded good, while stealing glances at sam.

Sam, already knowing what he wanted, watched C while he looked it over. He had an intense look on his face, like he had to get just the right thing on the menu or there would be consequences.

Jo walked up to their table with a "hi guys" and brought C out of his thoughts. "What can I start you both off with to drink?" C looked to sam, indicating that he should order first.

"umm..i'd like what ever is on tap." Jo jots down his and turns to C. "i'll have the same." Jo left then and Sam turned to C. "So, would I be able to find out your name? Not that I don't like nicknames. I'd much rather have your real name." C looked at him with a tilt of his head, and damn wasn't that look on his face just the sexiest that sam had ever seen.

"You've had a nickname for me?"

"Yeah, I...I didn't have much to go on but when you gave me your number you wrote "C" on the napkin. So that's who you've been."

C's smile widened. "You have been S"

Sam laughed, "S? I'm starting to think this is a James Bond movie!"

"That is a very good description!" He laughed again. "My name is Castiel. Castiel Novak. "

"Castiel..."the name rolled off his tongue. He liked it. "It's nice to finally meet you Castiel. I'm Sam Winchester."

"Sam...It suits you!" Sam smiled and looked down. This guy is something else. He feels like a 15 year old girl on her first date with her crush!

Joe returned with their beers. "You ready to order?"

Castiel looks at sam and he knows he is waiting for him to order first. "i'll have the bacon cheeseburger, everything on it. And a side salad."

"good choice! And for you" she says, turning to castiel.

"I will have the mushroom swiss burger with fries."

"Great! I'll be back with them soon!" She winked at sam then headed to the bar.

Castiel looked to sam, tilting his head in that sexy way again. "You know her well" It was an observation, not a question.

Sam laughs lightly. "Yeah. She's like my little sister. Her mom Has become mine in all the ways that matter so we got close."

"Are you not close to your parents?" Then his eyes widen. "You don't have to answer that. That was not appropriate for a first date"

"Its ok. I do want to tell you. But like you said, not on a first date. Maybe a third or fourth."

Castiel smiled. "Third or fourth? Hmm, i'd like that!"

They sit in a comfortable silence while they wait for their food. As he is about to ask castiel about himself his phone goes off.

"I'm sorry, I have to answer this. I'm on call." He looked to him apologetically.

"No, It's absolutely fine!"

As Sam walks away, castiel watches him go. He is having a great time tonight. He is almost 100% sure it is because of the company he is with. He cant believe he asked about his parents. It just came out and he felt like shit when the look of hurt and pain came across sams face. "Stupid" He berates himself.

"What's stupid?" Sam has returned as soon as castiel says the word.

He laughs it off. "It's nothing, I promise."

Sam sat down and looked at him seriously. "We going to start lying to each other now?"

Castiel sighs. He is right. He shouldn't lie to him and he most definitely didn't want to do anything to screw up his chances with sam.

"I was calling myself stupid." It was sams turn to tilt his head in confusion and didn't that look just send a shiver down castiel. "When I asked about your parents. I saw the hurt in your eyes. I'm so sorry for that!"

He looked at sam pleadingly. _Please don't let me have already messed this up!_ He silently prayed.

Sam offered him a half smile. "Its ok castiel. You didn't know. Maybe..." He was interrupted by Jo bringing their food. "Here you go guys! Let me know if you need anything else!" She said and left to take care of the other customers.

While sam reached for his fork castiel said " Sam? What did you mean when you said maybe?"

Crap. Part of sam had hoped that he would have not paid attention to that. But its just as well. Maybe He should get it out of the way.

"It's not a conversation I would like to have here. Maybe after we finish you'd like to hangout and I can tell you the whole story."

Castiel decided to be brave and reached his hand across the table, gently placing it atop sams. Sam flinched but thankfully didn't pull his hand away. "You don't have to sam. I'd never make you do anything you don't want to do."

Sam's smile was more genuine this time. "I know. And you have no idea how good that is to hear! But i'd like to tell you. Get it out of the way."

Castiel squeezes Sam's nand lightly before removing it. "Ok. As long as you want to."

Their conversation was light as they enjoyed their meal. They talked about books that they liked, music, places they've seen and places they wanted to go. Halfway through the meal Castiel pauses, his burger halfway to his lips. "So are you a doctor?"

Sam, startled, dropped his fork. "wha...why do you think I'm a doctor?"

"Earlier when your phone rang. You said you were on call."

Sam thought back. Oh yeah.

"I did didn't I. I'm a Veterinarian."

Castiel's smile was huge. "I would love to work with animals! I'm training to be a pediatric dentist, though, cuz I love kids more."

Sam could only stare. When castiel smiled, he swore it was like someone had a switch and when he smiled they brought I up to light up his blue eyes even more. "Uhh...kids. Yeah, that's cool man! Have you always wanted to be a children's dentist?"

Castiel laughed loudly. "Hell no! I wanted to be a pro baseball player! Love the game! But I threw my arm out shortly after graduating high school. Broke my heart! Went to college, couldn't really figure out what I wanted to do. And one day it just clicked."

"sounds easy enough. Your doing what your suppose to be doing!"

"Yeah, pretty much." He finished his beer then started on his burger again. "Have you always wanted to be a vet?"

Sam frowned. "No. I wanted to be an Obstetrician. I, like you, love kids. I've always wanted to be the one who helped their mama bring them into the world."

Sam seemed lost in thought. "What made you change your mind?" Castiel asked curiously.

"Sam looked at him then dropped his eyes to his almost finished plate. "Well, that would go with the story im going to tell you later."

Castiel could tell by the tone of his voice that this was a story that was going to hurt him telling. How much pain had he known? The idea of anyone hurting sam sent a rage through him that he had never felt before. He had only really known him for a week, still learning things about him, and already he wanted to do everything in his power to protect him.

They finished their meals and drinks and just sat their in light conversation. Both just letting the minutes roll by them while they got to know a little more about the other. Sam glanced at his watch and saw it was fifteen past eleven.

"Wow, Time flies huh?" he said, showing the time to castiel. Castiel smiled at him. "It depends on the company you keep." Sam blushed.

"Ok, so there's this park down the road. It's got a nice lake and some benches around it. Would you like to go there? I'd like to be somewhere comfortable while I tell you and I just don't think im ready for us to go to my place or vice versa." He started rambling again.

Castiel grabbed his hand again. "It's ok sam. I will go anywhere you would like to go. I do not plan on rushing anything with you." He said sincerely. Ok, was this guy real? And if so, what had sam done to get this lucky!

"Ok, Do you want to follow me, or we could just take one car. Its up to you."

Castiel thought about it. "Lets take your car. I'm not sure you would be comfortable in mine yet."

"Why do you say that?"

Castiel turned his head to the left and nodded for sam to look. When he did his eyes widened comically. There in a smaller space was a shiny black motorcycle.

"Wow, umm...yeah, not yet. Man dean would love that!"

Castiel turned back to him. "Dean?"

"Oh, my older brother. He's into pretty much anything with an engine."

"Sounds like someone I would get along with. I'd very much like to meet him someday."

Sam thought of that and oddly, it wasn't as scary as he thought. "I'd like that too."

They made their way to sam's car as he unlocked the doors. Both sliding in easily, he turned to castiel once more. "Are you sure you want to hear about my past? It's not pretty."

Maybe he was being more brave than he ever had, but castiel couldn't help it. He leaned in closer to sam and grabbed hand again. This time linking their fingers together, staying close. "You do not have to tell me if you do not want to. I am very much interested in getting to know you better, skeletons in your closet or no. But like I said, i'm not going to rush you on anything. And nothing you will say will scare me away. I've wanted a chance to get to know you for quite some time now. I'm not planning on letting you get away from me."

Sams breathing hitched. He took a deep breath. "You have no idea how much I hope your right about that!" He turned and started the car. Castiel leaned back in his seat but kept his hand in sams.

As they pulling out of the parking lot, heading toward the park, Sam let out a prayer of his own. _Please PLEASE Don't let me scare him away!_

 **Notes:**

A/N Castiel is a little OOC in my fic. He is still like Castiel in some ways but more like I believe misha is in others. Best of both worlds! I really hope you are enjoying it!


	5. Chapter 5

As they pulled into the drive leading to the park, Sam found that his anxiety had decreased somewhat. Castiel kept his hand on his the entire ride over and occasionally giving it a squeeze of reassurance. When he looked over at the blue eyed man he sometimes found him staring at him, a small smile on his face. Sam would smile back then turn his attention to the road.

He pulled into a space and turned the engine off. Castiel squeezed his hand once more then turned to exit the car, Sam following suit. They walked the little ways up the path to the swingset. Each man sat down and lightly swung back and forth. Sam sat quietly. He was not sure how he should start this conversation. He looked at castiel and started. The older man had moved himself on his swing closer to sam. They were only a few inches apart.

"Sam, You do not have to tell me if you feel your not ready. I will wait as long as you need. But if you feel like you can tell me tonight, please take your time. I do not need to be anywhere so please pace yourself." Castiel said softly. He knows this will be very hard on sam. He didn't want to rush him.

Sam sat still for a second, then decided to take a chance at a little bravery. He leaned in and pressed his lips gently to castiels. The other man let out a gasp of surprise then closed his eyes and kissed him back sweetly, reaching his hand behind sam's head and holding him close. Sam sighed softly before pulling back, neither man knowing how long the kiss had gone on. They were both flushed and sam saw to his delight castiel had a lustful look in his eyes.

"Not that im complaining, because that was...wow! But what was that for?" he asked.

Sam laughed nervously. "I ah...just needed something to help me get this going and you were right there, looking hot as hell. Sorry."

Castiel smiled then brought the hand that was still behind sams head to cup his cheek. "Don't apologize. That felt amazing. Please feel free to do that when ever you like!"

Sam blushed. "You too. Like you said that was...wow."

Castiel smiled then reached his hands to hold sams, indicating that he would wait until sam was ready.

Sam took a deep breath, this was it. "Well, I guess I have to start with my parents. They weren't religious by any means. That didn't stop them from believing that being gay was wrong and disgusting. For as long as I can remember they always told me and my brother that. Dean was never a problem. He always had a girl on his arm it seemed." Sam smiled. "He was the good son. My parents started to notice that I never went on any dates, or to the dances at school. Then came prom. My mom was on me all month about how I had to find a nice girl and ask her to prom, then bring her home to meet them. I kept dancing around them, saying I would, I just needed time. The night of the prom came and we were all having dinner. My brother came over, it was family night, and my parents started on it again. "She could have been our future daughter in law" Sam said in a high pitched voice that sounded nothing like his mother. "They just kept on and kept on until finally I just blurted out that I was gay."

Sam took another deep breath, he could still hear the words his parents said to him. He felt pressure on his hands and found castiel squeezing them reassuringly. That felt nice, he thought. He smiled at him before continuing. "You could hear a pin drop across the street. No one said anything but I felt like I was suffocating on the silence. Then my dad looked at me and all I saw was anger. The first words out of my moms mouth were that I was a faggot." His voice hitched and castiels fingers tightened almost painfully around his. Sam looked up to his face and he saw barely contained rage in his eyes. Sam swallowed. " She told me that I was wrong, that she couldn't accept it, accept me. My dad followed that up with how he wouldn't have a peter pumping dick swallowing god knows what else he would have said if my brother hadn't cut in."

Sam was startled to find a tear falling from his cheek. Castiel raised his hand to gently wipe it away, then leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to sam's cheek. "You can stop if you like sam. You don't have to finish now."

"Yeah I do. Otherwise I might not start again." Sam grabbed Castiels hands this time and brought them to rest on his lap. "I'm not sure how it happened but one minute my brother was sitting and the next his chair is flying across the room, and god he looked pissed. Part of me thought he was ashamed of me like my parents until I saw that he was looking at them. He told them that he was close minded, that he couldn't believe they would do that to their own son. My dad rounded on him. Told him that he wouldn't tolerate the only son he claimed at that point to put up with me." Another tear gently wiped away by castiel. "That hurt more than anything. How they could so easily kick me out of their lives. Dean Told them both to consider themselves childless then told me to go pack my stuff, as much as I could carry. The last words my father said to us were not to come back."

Sam sniffled. God he hated that this still affected him so bad. "We haven't spoken to them in nine years. We were suppose to go back for my stuff but dean told me don't worry about it, he would work hard to get me new stuff. We didn't need anything from those assholes was what he actually said!"

Castiel laughed. "I'd have to agree with your brother sam. I really hope i get to meet him someday. I have never met your parents, but I hope I never do. I never thought I could hate someone that I had never met. But I truly hate your parents for the pain they caused you. I'm so sorry you had to go through that sam."

"It's ok. I'm not going to say it was hard, It was. But my brother made it easier. We decided to drive up to our uncle bobbies Sioux falls but I needed to stop and say goodbye to my best friend Jessica. She was the only one before that night who knew I was gay. She figured it out before I did. She opened her door, took one look at me, and demanded to know who she had to kill." Small chuckle. "Dean told her what happened as she made me a cup of hot chocolate. By that point I was crying again. She held me, told me she loved me, and asked where we were going now going to do now. When we told her we were going to see our uncle, as he was the only family we had left."

Sam smiled, a far away look in his eyes. " She told me and dean not to move then raced to her room. We heard a lot of things being thrown around, falling and cussing. Ten minutes later she comes in with two suit cases, a gym bag, and a big teddy bear. She threw her stuff in the impala and has been with us since then...I don't think I have ever loved her as much as I did that night."

"We made it to bobbies in record time. I'm pretty sure dean sped the whole way. When he opened the door to see us on his porch at midnight, red eyed and tear stricken, he pulled us inside and demanded to know what the hell was going on. Dean told him the whole story while he gave us whiskey. After he was done he told us to stay as long as he liked. If his friend john was to damn stupid to see what great sons he had, then he would gladly step in to fill that roll. Then he turned to Jessica, hugged her and thanked her for being such a good friend to me, and told her the invitation goes for her too."

"Jessica sounds amazing!" Castiel said. "Bobby too. Was jessica the pretty blonde that was with you at the club?"

"Yeah. Her and dean have been begging me to go out with them, hoping I would meet someone. I didn't think it would ever happen again after..."

"Sam?" Castiel was concerned. When he was talking about his parents he had seen the hurt in his eyes. But now, whatever he was thinking of, brought a broken look to them. He hated to see it there, eyes that beautiful should not look so sad and lost. He would do anything to make it go away.

Sam mentally cursed himself. He wasn't going to say anything. Not yet. "I have to be honest castiel, I wasn't going to text or call you."

"Oh?" He showed calm on the outside but on the inside he was dying to know what happened and thanking god that he did in fact contact him.

"Yeah, I'm sorry..."

"Hey" Castiel interrupted. "don't apologize. I understand. And besides, You did text me!"

Sam sighed. Seriously, did this guy have to be so perfect?

"There was this guy at my college. He transferred junior year. His name was eric, and he had my attention from the moment he walked in. I was going to introduce myself, get to know him before the jocks got to him first. After that, I admired him from afar. Then in the middle of my senior year he sits right at my table in the library and starts talking to me, like we had been friends all along, though we hadn't spoken two words to each other. He asked me my name, where im from, the usual small talk. Then he asked me to go out with him on Friday night. I was ecstatic! So Friday night rolls around, and i'm just pumped. We go out to eat and talk some more. Then he asks me if I wanted to go down to the creek. I'm pretty sure I giggled and said hell yes, as much as It pains me to say."

"I bet you looked cute!" Castiel said, trying to ease sams mind. He didn't know what was coming up, but he knew that it couldn't be good.

"We get to the creek and start throwing rocks in. Then all of a sudden he walks up to me and tells me he really likes me. I said I like you too and he starts leaning in. Just before our lips met I hear other people laughing. When I look over his shoulder, there are his friends, laughing their asses off. He turned to them and said, 'Kyle, you owe me a hundred bro.'" Sam, Shakes slightly, memory unpleasant. Castiel stands goes to stand behind sam on the swing. He places his hands on his shoulders and starts to gently massage them. Sam sighed, that feels good. "I looked at eric, about to ask him what's going on, when he says, 'You didn't really think I was into guys did you?' I was just a joke to them. Someone thought I was gay so they all decided to put it together to find out for sure." Castiels hands tightened momentarily before going back to a gentle pace. "I turned around and started walking back the way we came. I guess they stayed there because no one came out. I called dean and asked him if he could come pick me up. When he found where I was I was a mess. I got sick right outside the car before I got in. He took me home and finally got me to tell him what happened. I hadn't seen him that mad since our parents. He called Jessica and asked if she could come over and stay with me. He told me he wanted to get me some Tylenol and some soup to put in my stomach and that he would be right back."

Sam tilted his head to rest it on castiels hand, not seeming aware that he did it, not that castiel minded. He ran his thumb softly down sams cheek.

"I should have known he would go after them. I guess I just didn't think about it at the time. His soup run took him about three hours and when he came back his knuckles were busted. I didn't ask, Honestly didn't care at the time. He fed me and put me to sleep. I could always trust him to take care of me. When I went to class the next day I saw them. Cut lips, Black eyes, limping. Eric wouldn't even look at me. They saw me and ran the other way. I've never been big on violence, but seeing them like that brought a small smile to my face. When I got home I pulled dean into a hug and told him thank you."

"Had I been there, I would have bought him a steak dinner and flowers!" Castiel said. Sam laughed. Dean would have loved that. "I'm not sure I would have left them able to walk. How anyone could hurt you like that...I'd very much like to find them and finish what your brother started."

"There's no point. It's done. I finish school, started my clinic, and haven't looked back since. I'm who I am today because of what happened."

Castiel moved around him and kneeled in front of him. "Yes you are." He took his hands again. "And I have to say, I really like who you are. You are a very strong man sam Winchester. And very good looking!"

Sam giggled, damn it he had to quit that. "Your not so bad yourself Castiel Novak!. I definitely like what I see."

Castiel leaned his head forward, bringing his forehead down to sams. "Good, because i'm really hoping you want to see more of it after tonight. I have no intentions of letting you go sam."

Sam closed his eyes, hoping knowing he meant the words he said. "Promise?"

"Open your eyes sam." He said softly, his breath light on his face. Sam opened his eyes to look into the deep blue ones in front of him. "I can't promise i'm never going to hurt you. I'm not perfect, I have flaws. But I can promise you I will try my damnedest not to ever hurt you. And I can promise that I will never let you go. You are stuck with me sam."

Sam smiled. "I really like the sound of that castiel."

Castiel leaned closer, whispering "good" before his lips landed on sams. Sam immediately returned the kiss, needed the reassurance that castiel was here with him, that he did in fact want him. He brought his arms around castiels neck as castiel brought his hands to the sides of sams head, deepening the kiss slightly. He slid his tongue out to tease sam, asking for entrance. Sam granted it with a moan, opening his mouth and using his tongue to brush against Castiels. They each gave all they had into the kiss before they had to pull back for air. Both men were flushed and panting. Sam rested his forehead on castiels again, trying to regain thought. "I'm...really glad I texted you castiel."

Castiel gave him another quick kiss on the lips then rested against sam. "Not as much as I am sam."

They stayed that way for sometime before sam glanced down at his watch, noting that it was past two in the morning.

Before he could say anything castiel said, "I should head back. Let you go home and get some sleep."

"Yeah" Sam said, though he didn't really want to leave. He could tell by the way castiel was taking his time to get up that he felt the same way.

They made their way to sam's car and proceeded to head back to The Roadhouse where Castiels motorcycle was still parked. They got out and headed toward his bike.

"So, Can I text you this weekend?" Castiel asked. He hoped he would be able to see him on either day but if not, hoping he could atleast call or text.

"I would really hate it if I didn't hear from you." Sam said. Besides him telling castiel about his gory past, this was the best time sam had ever had and he was looking forward to many more with the beautiful blue eyed man standing before him.

"Awesome. You will be hearing from me! Sleep good sam. And dream of me." He said the last part only half jokingly. He would love it if he did.

"Only If you dream of me." He knew he sounded like a damn teenage girl but he really didn't care. He really liked this man and would love to be in his thoughts.

"Oh most definitely sam." He said. He leaned in for one last kiss before he climbed on his bike and had it roaring to life. He smiled at sam, reaching out to grab his shirt and bring him closer. "Sometime soon, I would really like to take you on a ride sam."

Sam pressed his lips to castiels for a hard kiss. Breaking apart he said, " I think I would like that very much. It's a date!"

Castiels eyes widened slightly before he nodded his head, released the taller man, then took of on his bike, still smiling.

Sam made his way to his car, all thoughts were on the man who just drove away. Sam was still scared of what the future held for him. But now that he had a man like castiel who wanted him, he found he wasn't quite as scared anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

The weeks that followed were some of the best in Sam' life. He and Castiel, or Cas as Dean had come to call him, spent almost every moment of their free time together. If they were apart they were texting. Some days were spent going to the movies or out to eat. Some nights were spent on either Sam' couch or Cas' watching movies and making out. Most of the time a combination of both. They had not moved beyond kissing and gentle hands gliding over covered flesh. Sam felt if Cas wanted to take their relationship to the next level he could. Gladly in fact. He would not say anything on the subject until his boyfriend brought it up.

Boyfriend. Cas was his boyfriend. Castiel Novak wanted him. If he stopped long enough to think about it he would still wonder what he had done to deserve such an amazing man. Then he would hear his brothers words in his ear. "Fate gave you enough bad shit in your life little brother. It's about time the bitch gave you something good!" He hoped his brother was right.

As he made his way to the coffee shop this morning on his normal run he had a thought about their date tonight. Since it was Saturday they had made plans to go to The Roadhouse for burgers and drinks. He wondered if he could change that up and make them dinner at his house. Not that he didn't love showing his boyfriend off but he felt he would rather keep him to himself tonight.

He made his way up the steps to the coffee shop he spotted Cas though the window and has he was about to walk in he froze. His boyfriend was in the arms of another man, holding him tight. Sam didn't know what to make of this. He trusted his boyfriend almost more than anyone, the exception being his brother, but it was a shock to his system seeing him so close to another man. His thought going the worst possible ways.

He was still standing when the other guy leaned back, kissed Cas on the cheek, and made his way outside. Sam couldn't move in time before the door was opened and he was standing face to face with the man.

The man look up at him, he was shorter than Sam thought, and to Sam' surprise smiled wide. "Well, look who we have here!" He said excitedly. "Sam!"

If Sam was shocked before, he was floored now. "Huh?" He asked.

The guy laughed loudly. "Man, Cas always said my manners have something to be desired." He throw his hand out to Sam. "Gabriel Novak. I'm Cassie' older, better looking brother."

Sam stood still, looking down at the hand. Brother? Cas said he had an older brother. What was he doing in town? "Um.." He slowly took his hand and shook it lightly.

Gabriel looked at him more closely. "OH GOD!" He exclaimed, causing Sam to jump and release his hand. "You saw me hugging him and plant one on him didn't you? Oh god what you must have thought!"

Sam looked back at his boyfriend though the window then to the short man in front of him. "I'm not going to lie, I trust your brother but It did look back from an outsiders point of view."

Gabriel smiled at him. "Sorry about that. I'm in town for a few days visiting and I had to come see him. He had no idea I was coming."

"No it's ok. like I said, I trust your brother so I shouldn't have thought anything else."

Gabriel laughed at him. "We are only human after all." He surprised sam again by pulling him into a hug. "Well I'm glad I got to meet the man who has my brother completely smitten but I have to get going. Got a busy day today."

Sam hugged him back briefly then let him go. "Yeah, I'm glad I got to meet you too. I hope we can hang out sometime before you leave."

"Definitely!" He said as he turned and walked away.

Sam stood there for another moment. How could he have thought the worst of his boyfriend. He knew how. He knew he still have that deep seeded fear that he would be hurt again. He shook his head as he made his way inside. He should know better. Castiel would never do that to him.

Cas looked up as the door chimed and his face lit up at the sight of Sam. He spoke to someone behind the counter then took off his apron and made his way around the counter. "Hey babe." He said as he pulled Sam into a tight hug. Sam wrapped his arms around him and held him close. He could smell his cologne and the scent of him was his own personal drug. One he would gladly get high off of all the time. "Hey." He said softly. Cas pulled back only to bring him in for a good morning/hello kiss that left Sam feeling heady.

"I'm going on my break if you'd care to join me." Cas said.

Sam smiled at him but instead of following him he pulled his boyfriend back to him. He grabbed the sides of Cas' face gently and brought their lips together. He sighed deeply, letting his lips wonder over his boyfriends. Getting his taste in his mouth and just the hint of tongue as he lightly ran his over cas' lips. He heard a soft moan from the other man and with a lighter kiss to his lips then to his cheek he pulled back.

He would be lying if he said he didn't love the lustful look in cas' eyes and his heavy breathing. "Yeah, I'd love to join you for your break." He took his hand and guided him outside to one of the side tables that were set up there.

Cas sat down and immediately grabbed Sam' hands. "You kissing me like that is really making me question why I haven't just thrown you across a flat surface and had my way with you Sam. And not that I'm complaining, because God Damn that kiss left me light headed, but what was that for?"

Sam looked down, feeling embarrassed. "I met your brother before I came in. He, uh, is something else."

Cas laughed. "Yeah, he sure is! He can give you whiplash on some days. But what does my brother have to do with a mind blowing kiss?"

Sam let go of his hands and brought his own to his lap, staring at them instead of the beautiful blue eyes across from him. "I was getting ready to walk in when I saw him hug you...and kiss you. And I know its stupid. I trust you more than almost anyone! I just..." Sam continued to stare at his hands. He didn't want to look up and see how his boyfriend might be looking at him. Hurt because he didn't think he trusted him. Anger because he thought the worst.

He didn't know how long he stared until he heard the scrap of chair on concrete that brought him back. He started to panic thinking he was leaving when he felt hands on his thighs. His boyfriend pulled his legs apart and dropped down to his knees in between them. He brought his hands to Sam' face and brought it up until they were looking eye to eye.

"Sam, I'm not angry or upset that you thought what you did. You have been hurt in the past so badly and I wish I could do something to take that hurt away. I'm so sorry you thought I would hurt you like that. I hope you know I care about you so much and I would never do anything to make you question me. I couldn't stand it if I did something to push you away or make me lose you. Please don't be afraid of telling me how you feel. I want to know everything about you." He pulled up slightly so he could kiss him sweetly on the lips. "Why would I ever go anywhere else when I have everything I want right here?" He asked.

Sam wrapped his arms around cas' shoulders and pulled him up almost into his lap. "God I don't know what I did to deserve you but i'm so glad you chose me."

Cas laughed softly in his ear. "You seem to think your the lucky one. You couldn't be more wrong. You chose me. Im the luckiest man in the world because of it!"

Sam squeezed him tightly for a moment before he pulled back. "We'll agree to disagree." He smiled. "I wanted to ask you about tonight."

Cas grabbed his hand and held it close to his chest. "Don't tell me your bailing on me." He said putting on a fake pout that had Sam laughing loudly.

"Ah no! I just wanted you to myself tonight so I was wondering if you would like to have dinner at my house." He gripped the hand that held his tightly. "I was planning on making Chicken Alfredo and garlic bread."

"That sound delicious and I would love for you to have me all to yourself!" He leaned in to press a soft kiss to his cheek. "Should I bring anything with me?"

Sam looked down "just yourself" he looked up and held his boyfriends eyes.

"And an over night bag." He felt his boyfriend jolt at that. He had wanted Cas to make the first move but sitting here with him now it felt right and he wanted to be the one to say it. He had to stop being scared of being hurt and he wanted this man in all ways to be his and for him to belong to the other man.

Cas looked at him intently, searching his eyes for any doubt. "Sam, are you sure? There is no rush. I would never rush you."

Sam smiled at him. "I know you wouldn't. And I thank you for that. But I want this. I want this with you." Cas brought his hand to Sam' face and cupped his cheek, skimming his thumb over it. "I want it too Sam. Ok, I will be at your place about 7. Is that ok?"

Sam covered cas' hand with his own. "Sounds perfect."

Cas wrapped his arms around him again before letting go and standing. "I'm afraid I've been out here longer than I had planned and am running late. I will see you tonight at 7 sharp." He kissed sam softly but passionately, with all the promises of what tonight would bring. Pulling back he looked at sam again. "Just remember I care about you deeply Sam." Sam sighed contently and smiled. "As long as you remember I care about you too Cas." Cas' smile was electrifying. "It's starting to be what keeps me going." He grabbed another quick kiss then made his way to the door. "See you tonight sexy!" He called then ran inside.

Sam got up and slowly did his stretches before making his way back to his place. He was a little worried about tonight. But seeing his boyfriend look at him like that, he had no regrets. He would make sure tonight was perfect for them both. He ran the whole way back with a smile on his face and a skip in his heart.


	7. Chapter 7

Sam had spent the rest of the day making sure everything in his apartment was clean and in order. He had went to the store to pick up everything he needed, for food and other activities, and had probably spent more than he needed. It was ok though, this was going to be the best night of his life. Hopefully Cas' too.

He had changed the sheets on his bed and at the last minute placed Candles around the room. God he hoped that wasn't too girly.

When he was sure their was nothing he could do to pass the time he pick up the book he had been trying to read for weeks and took another stab at it. After about an hour he gave up. It was no use. He was nervous. He knew Cas would never hurt him. But his thoughts couldn't help but go back to Eric and the one time they had almost kissed. Being played like that hurt more than even Sam's parents rejecting him. He didn't think he had to worry about anything with Cas. The man was one hell of a kisser and often he was the one who initiated the kiss. But the worry was always there.

He had talked to Dean about it. Not going into so much detail that it would make his brother uncomfortable, or himself for that matter, but voicing his concerns. He could still see the rage in his brothers eyes when he mentioned Eric. Apparently beating him after he hurt Sam wasn't enough in Deans book. Sam had sat quietly after spilling his concerns out to his brother while Dean soaked it all up. After a few minutes he looked at Sam and all he said was, "You got this Sam." And Sam had left knowing what his brother had meant. He had this to move past his own insecurities and give all of himself to Cas. And he would. He wanted his boyfriend to have all of who he was. And to have all of his boyfriend in return.

When 6 P.M. rolled around he started with the task of chopping the veggies for the pasta and salad that he had planned and put the water to boil for the noodles. After he set the salad in the fridge he started on grating the cheese for his Alfredo sauce. After adding the cheese, cream, and seasonings to the pot for his sauce he decided to have a glass of wine before Cas got there. He was just putting the bread in the oven when there was a knock at the door. Walking to it he looked in the peephole expecting to see Cas. Instead he was looking at his brother. Grumbling, he opened the door, not all way and stuck his head out. "What are you doing here? I told you Cas was coming over." Dean just smiled and pushed the door open all the way and walked in like he owned the place. "Hello to you too baby brother." He smiled wider and sat at Sam' couch. "Dean, seriously, you have to go. Like now!" Sam was getting anxious. Cas would be here any minute. As if the fates were against him, there was another knock at the door. "Sometimes I really hate you dean." If possible, his smile spread a mile wide.

Sam opened the door and was met by the face of his smirking boyfriend. "I see your brother has come to meet me?" He had heard Sam's comment through the door and though he hadn't expected this, he should have. Him and Sam had been dating for awhile now so it goes to say he should meet his overprotective brother he had heard so much about. Sam moved aside and let him in. "I'm so sorry. He knew we had plans tonight but of course he never listens." Sam looked genuinely upset so Cas grabbed his hand. "Sam, it's ok. Really. I was bound to meet him soon anyway." Sam nodded his head and went to his brother, keeping his hold on Cas' hand. "Cas, This is my brother Dean. Dean, meet my boyfriend Castiel. Or Cas for short." Dean stuck his hand out and Cas took it, offering a strong handshake. "It's nice to finally meet you dean." Dean nodded his head and let go of his hand. "Yeah, You too." Sam looked at his brother. "I have to go pull the bread out. Be good!" As he was walking out he heard his brothers light "ain't I always good?' and decided it was safer not to answer that.

He pulled the bread out of the oven and drained the pasta. Making sure everything was set he walked back into the living room, noting that Cas was nodding his head at Dean but did not looked too threatened. Dean turned to him. "I'm heading out. Going to take jess to a movie. See you tomorrow sometime?" Sam walked him to the door. "Yeah, I'll call you." Dean nodded his head at him then did the same to Cas before walking out, closing the door behind him. Sam switched the lock just to be safe.

Sam turned to go to his boyfriend. "So, what did he threaten you with?" Cas raised one eyebrow. "What makes you think he threatened me?" Sam took his hand and lead him into the kitchen to set the table. "Because after Eric Dean has become an overprotective mother hen." Cas laughed at the picture that painted in his head. "He only told me that I had better keep treating you right because he liked seeing a smile on your face...And he may or may not have mentioned your uncle bobby's salvage yard with lots of acres of land that could easily hide a body under an old car." Sam shook his head as he finished setting the table. "Yeah, that sounds like my brother." He mixed the pasta with the sauce then brought that, the salad and the bread to the table. After asking what Cas would like to drink he pulled the white wine that he got to go with the pasta and poured two glasses. Finally seated he told Cas to help himself as he grabbed a piece of bread.

Cas moaned as he took his first bite of the pasta. "Sam, this is amazing!" He quickly swallowed then proceeded to sample the bread and salad, making similar noises. He really needed to quit that or Sam's pants were going to get very uncomfortable very fast.

They made small talk through out dinner. Cas was in his final hear of school of dentistry and would be graduating in a few months. Sam was so proud of him. Though he found out what he wanted to do later in life, he has worked non stop to make sure it happened. They talked about the different places he was looking into buying to set up his own office in town, loath to work under someone else.

When they finished eating Sam grabbed their plates and went to the sink to run them under warm water, deciding he could do them later. As he was rinsing them he felt a pair of warm arms wrap around his waist as Cas placed his chin on Sam' shoulder. "That was delicious baby. Thank you for cooking it for us tonight. Next time," he placed a barely there kiss just under Sam' ear, "I get to cook for you." Sam shivered and nodded. "I'd like that. A lot." He turned the water off and turned to bring Cas closer to him. "Should we take our drinks to the living room?" Cas smiled, grabbed Sam' hand, and the wine glasses in the other, and pulled him toward the living room. He placed the Glasses on the table as he sat down close to the arm of the couch, pulling Sam again to press against his side. He brought his arm around Sam's shoulder and started caressing his arm. "Much better." Sam laid his head on Cas's shoulder, sighing in contentment.

They stayed that way for awhile, Cas caressing his arm, placing kisses along his neck while Sam played with the bottom of his shirt, his fingertips brushing the warm skin under it. When Cas kissed a sensitive spot where his neck and shoulder meet Sam gasped. He slid his hand completely under his boyfriends shirt, grazing his fingers over his nipples before pinching one hard. Cas jerked his hips up then grabbed Sam and hauled him onto his laps, pulling his head down when he got settled and proceeded to kiss him breathless. He slid his hands under Sam's shirt and brought it up, breaking the kiss long enough to pull the shirt over Sam's head and throwing it in a direction he did not pay any attention too. Sam immediately started tugging on Cas's shirt to rid him of it as well. Cas leaned forward to help and soon they were pressed together, kissing every bare inch of skin on the other they could reach.

As Cas started working on his belt he kissed a line to his ear, nipping it softly before whispering, "Bedroom." Sam reluctantly got off of Cas' lap and pulled the other man to his feet. Cas attacked his lips again as they made their way to the back of the apartment. Sam led him through the door, straight to the bed. As his knees hit the end of the bed Cas pushed him gently, letting him fall to the mattress before crawling on top of Sam, latching onto his neck and sucking a deep bruise where his neck and shoulder met. Sam slid his hands down to Cas' ass, reaching into the back of his pants, squeezing and kneading the fleshy mounds.  
Cas gasped when one of Sam' fingers ran down the crack of his ass, teasing at his most intimate hole. Cas brought his lips to Sam's again before pulling back, breath coming in pants. "Do you top, or bottom?"

It took a second for Sam's mind to catch up. "Um...I..." He wasn't looking at Cas. In fact he was looking anywhere but Cas. That sent Cas on high alert. "Have you don't this before Sam?" Sam still would not meet his boyfriends eyes. Looking at a spot to the left of Cas' shoulder, he barely shook his head. He closed his eyes tightly, sure that Cas would not want to continue. Why would he want to be with someone so inexperienced, lacking in things that someone of his age should know very well? His train of thought was interrupted as he felt warm hands on either side of his face, warm breath against his lips as he heard his boyfriend speak softly. "Baby, look at me, please." Sam opened his eyes after a moments hesitation and was met with striking blue.

Cas pressed a barely there kiss to his lips, his thumb brushing along his cheek. "I told you we didn't have to do or rush into anything and I meant it. I have waited all my life to be with you Sam Winchester. I have no plans on being without you ever again. So that means we have all the time in the world." He caressed his lips along Sam's cheek, down to his ear. "I love you Sam"

Sam's eyes widen. He loved him. Cas loved him. Cas was in love with him. Cas pulled back and was startled to find tears in his boyfriends eyes. "Sam, I'm sorry if it was too soon. I..I wanted you to know how I felt and that this wasn't just an easy way to..." the rest of his words were taking by Sam as he pulled him down and kissed him with such passion that Cas was having a little trouble staying caught up. As Sam pulled away he kept his hand behind Cas' head, holding him close. "I love you too Cas. I have for awhile." If he had ever seen his boyfriend smile that brightly he could not remember. Cas crashed their lips together again and they just held onto each other, feasting on the others taste and feel. Sam licked his tongue along Cas' lip and Cas sucked it into his mouth. Sam groaned. God that felt good. Cas kept it up for a few more seconds then released it as he brought his forehead to rest against the other mans. "What do you want Sam? I will wait as long as you need, give you whatever you want."

Sam already knew what he wanted. Sam looked him in the eyes, not looking away as he brought his hands down and started undoing Cas' pants. He snapped the button then grabbed his zipper, sliding it down so slowly they heard every tooth on its way down. Cas grabbed his hand, pressing a little too hard therefore causing Sam' hand to nudge his hardened cock, making him thrust minutely. "Sam, are you quite sure? How far have you gotten? I need to know so I don't do something that will hurt. I don't want to hurt you." Sam made himself keep his gaze on his face this time. He was still embarrassed but he loved Cas. He was in love with him and knew he would never laugh at him. "I've had a few hand jobs. Given a few. Had one guy go down on me. That's pretty much it besides kissing. I've.."

"What?" Cas asked when Sam didn't continue. Sam took a deep breath, "After Eric, I told myself I would wait for the person that I knew loved me. That I loved more than anything." He placed his hands to Cas's sides. "I was waiting for you Cas." After that Cas could not hold back any longer. He knew without a doubt that he and Sam were meant to be together. He trailed his fingertips down Sam's stomach, to the top of his pants. Bringing his mouth down he latched onto Sam's nipple, causing Sam to arch off the bed. "Cas!" Sam moaned running his fingers through his shorter hair as Cas undid his pants, kissing from his nipple down and slowly slid them off his body. His dick got even harder when he saw that Sam had gone commando.

He made a mental note to ask if that was a regular thing later as he pulled them free from him and started another stream of kisses up his leg and thigh. "I'm going to make you feel so good Sam. God you feel so amazing already." He said, his voice sounding rough, deep, sexy as hell. Sam felt his lips close to where he was aching for him to go. With his hand still on Cas's head he tugged lightly. "I know you will. Can't wait to feel all of you. Just, go slow?" Cas raised his eyes to him as he placed a kiss to the tip of Sam's cock, "Of course baby. I love you so much." He said as he licked lightly at the slit, lapping up the precum that had developed there. Sam was trying his best not to buck up and accidently choke his boyfriend. "I love you too Cas. God I love you." He moaned as Cas wrapped his lips around the head and started a steady sucking, his tongue working around the head as he slowly worked to bring more of Sam into his mouth.

Sam had never felt so good. Cas was bobbing his head up and down around Sam and he was slowly coming undone. He couldn't stop the moans and gasps escaping his lips of he tried. Not that he wanted too. He wanted Cas to hear what he was doing to him. How good he was making him feel. Soon Sam could feel the burning at the base of his spine and knew if he kept it up he would spill his release down Cas's throat and he wanted to come with his boyfriend buried deep inside him. He tugged Cas's hair light but firm. "Cas...God, you gotta stop. Please, Don't wanna come till your in me." He panted as Cas gave one more suck all the way from root to tip, letting him fall from his mouth with a loud pop. Cas crawled up Sam's body and kissed him slightly dirty while he worked his pants off. It was weird tasting himself on Cas' tongue but at the same time it turned him on even more.

Once they were both naked Sam took a good look at his boyfriend. "God, you are so beautiful Cas." He ran his hands up and down his sides. Cas smiled. "So are you Sam. So beautiful." Cas sat up alittle straighter. "I need to know what you want baby. Do you want to be inside me? Do you want me to make love to you? I'll do whatever you are most comfortable with." Sam looked at him as he decided. Again he knew just what he wanted. He reached his hand into his nightstand and pulled out the bottle of lube he had just bought that morning. Gazing at Cas, he placed it in the other man's hand. Cas smiled, nodded slightly the shuffled slightly to arrange himself between his legs. "Do you want me to wear a condom Sam? I know this is your first time but.." He didn't continue. Sam knew what he meant. He shook his head. "I trust you." Cas's heart about burst. He nodded his head. "I'll go easy Sam. I won't hurt you." He popped the top and lubed up his fingers liberally. Sam nodded his head and spread his legs for him. Cas had never seen a more arousing sight. Sam was truly beautiful.

Cas pressed his finger lightly to Sam' rim, circling it lightly before pressing in gently, taking care to go slow. Sam inhaled sharply. It didn't hurt per se. Mostly uncomfortable. Cas worked his finger in and out and soon Sam found himself wanting more. He thrust his hips up a bit. "More. Please more." He begged. God he was making him feel amazing. He could only imagine what he would feel like once the man was inside him. Cas worked a second finger in, then soon a third. He crooked his finger, determined to find that spot that would make sam..."AH!" Sam shot off the bed. There it it! Smiling slightly Cas repeated that motion a few more times until Sam was practically sobbing. "Please! Cas please I'm ready. Please make love to me. Please get inside me. Please!"

He knew delaying any longer could cause Sam pain and he did not want to be cruel their first time, his first time. He pulled his fingers free, groaning slightly when Sam whined at their loss, then lubed up his rock hard cock. Pumping it a few times, he moved to line himself up. "This will hurt just a bit at first but I promise you I will go slow." Sam nodded. He knew Cas would take his time. He grabbed his shoulders as Cas pressed in, just barely passing the rim of muscles. Sam tensed up and hissed. "I'm sorry baby." Cas said. He held still, waiting for sam to get use to him. When he felt Sam tighten his hold on his shoulders he thrust forward into Sam, still taking care to go as slow as he could. Even though his body was screaming at him to slam home and take the body he loved. Soon Cas was fully seated inside Sam. His balls nestled against Sams ass. He did not move. "Are you ok baby?" he asked. Sam pulled him down for a kiss. "I'm good. God you feel amazing inside me." It didn't hurt as much as he thought it would. Cas had taking such care to go slow for him.

Soon Sam wanted more so he thrust his hips, meeting Cas', causing him to thrust harder into Sam than he had wanted. He was about to apologize when Sam covered his mouth with his hand. "I won't break babe. I need to feel you. Please." Cas nodded and Sam dropped his hand to his shoulder, willing him to go on. Cas started thrusting his hips, pulling himself in and out of Sam. Sam was soon writhing under him. He raised his hands over his head to grip the pillow. Cas continued his steady pace but soon the need to go faster was too much. This was not going to last long for either of them.

Cas was panting. Sam felt truly amazing around him. Everything about this man was amazing. How did he get so lucky. He felt Sam start to thrust erratically. "Cas...Need...Please..." Cas brought one hand over Sams head to hold tightly to one of Sam's hands. The other he wrapped around Sam's cock, pumping in time with his thrusts. The sounds coming from his mouth were absolutely sinful and as soon as he felt Sam tighten around his cock, he knew he would be thrown over the edge not long after his boyfriend. "Come for me Sam. Come with me while I come inside you"

As soon as he said the words Sam screamed his name, spilling himself over Cas' hand and his stomach. Cas worked him though his orgasm and soon Sam' grip on his cock was like a vise and with a shout of "SAM" He came deep within the man he loved. Pumping his hips a few more times Sam milked every drop from him. They stayed like that for a few more minutes. Exchanging soft Caresses and loving words. Soon Cas was soft and he gently pulled himself from Sam, noticing him wince slightly. "Are you ok baby? Did I hurt you?" Sam smiled. God he really was perfect. He kissed him again. He really couldn't get enough of the kisses. "No, you didn't hurt me. I feel fantastic!" He laughed, grabbing his face with his hands and bringing them into another slightly heated kiss. "I love you so much Castiel Novak." Cas caressed his thumb down Sam's cheek. "I love you too Samual Winchester. So very much." They lay there in each others arms until the sweaty mess was too much and Sam went to get a wet and dry cloth to clean themselves off with.

Once they were clean they put their boxers back on but no other clothing, wanting to feel as much of he others skin as possible. Cas laid down and spread his arms. Sam pillowed his body under his arm and placed his head and hand on his chest while Cas wrapped his arms around him. He placed a kiss to the top of Sam's head. "I love you baby." He could never get enough of saying that.

He closed his eyes and was almost asleep when he heard Sam's sleepy reply. "I love you too Cas. Want you forever."


	8. Chapter 8

Hi everyone! Now that I have a computer again, (again, don't drink coffee by your laptop) I will be updating this story at least once a week until it is finish but before then I must tell you. I have reread the chapters I have posted and the mistakes I have made are bugging me way to much to let them go! I will be rewriting and correcting those mistakes and should have my new chapter posted by Sunday. Thank you for your patience!


	9. Chapter 9

Voices. Sam heard the voices going on around him though he felt as if he was hearing them under water. He tried to open his eyes but found them unwilling to cooperate. He'd give it another minute.

Slowly, the voices were becoming more clear. His brothers was the first he could hone in on. "...No right to come anywhere near him after what they did!"

He sounded pissed. But also concerned as he heard him walk around the room.

"I am sorry Dean. I know i should not have gotten involded but..." Cas sounded unsure. What had happened? He cracked his eyes open to see Dean kneel next to Cas, Sams head in his lap. "No Cas. I'm glad you through her out. She has no right to come anywhere near us. Espesially him!"

Cas carded one of his hands through Sams hair while the other was holding his left hand tightly. He squeezed it lightly, feeling the fingers in his hair pause. "Sam?"

Sam opened his eyes completely. Dean was right in front of him, looking angry and concerned. Jess was at her desk on the phone. She turned to him and gave him a bright smile, blowing him a kiss before turning back to her call. He finally looked up to his boyfriend. Cas looked so worried. He wanted to reassure them that he was ok but only one thing was on his mind. "Is she gone?"

Cas looked to Dean, as if asking him to answer that. Dean smiled slightly. "Yeah Sammy, Shes gone. Your boyfriend turned all bodyguard on her when she tried to go near you. Told her she had alot of nerve showing up after all this time like everything was great. Said she sure as hell wasn't any mother worthly of a son like you and proceeded to haul her outside, slammed the door in her face and locked it." As Dean spoke he took on an almost proud look to his face. "I gotta say Sammy, your boyfriends a badass!"

At her desk Jess was nodding her head, in full agreement with Dean. He looked back to cas, who still looked unsure. He sat up quickly, noting the way Dean moved foward as if to catch him, and threw his arms around Cas' shoulders, holding him tightly. "Thank you."

Cas wrapped his arms around Sam' middle and held him just as tight. "I love you."

A single tear fell from Sams eye at that declaration. He pulled back, placing a kiss to his lovers lips. "I love you." Cas smiled before standing up, pulling Sam with him.

Still in his arms he turned to Dean. "What happened?" He remembered talking to Dean, Jess yelling, then his mom showing up. After that, nothing.

Dean stood up as well. "Well i showed up as Cas here was showing her the door. She tried to talk to me but honestly, i just didn't care. I walked right past her and helped Jess make sure you didn't bust your head. When Cas came back he took you, held you and Jess filled us in on what happened."

Sam looked closer at his brother. he was holding something back. He was looking at Sam, but his eyes kept looking away. What he does when he was trying to protect Sam from something. "Dean?"

Dean sighed. He opened his mouth to explain but was cut off by a pounding on the office Door. Jess ran to get it, taking the cordless with her. Who was she still talking too?

As he heard the ding of the bell a voice he would know anywhere cut the silence. "What the hell was she doing here?" Someone had called their uncle Bobby.

Bobby came around the corner and made a beeline for Sam. He placed a comforting hand on Sams shoulder. "You ok boy?"

Sam nodded his head. He was starting to feel like he was. "Yeah uncle Bobby. She just...shocked me. I didn't expect to see her again."

Bobby nodded his head, gave his shoulder a light sqeeze then went to join Dean. "What happened. Dean started explaining everything that Sam already knew up to that point.

When he was finished Sam looked at Dean expectantly. Dean sighed again. "Sammy...she...Damn it!" He kicked the ground in his frustration. Sam walked over to him. "Dean, Whats going on? Why was she here?"

Dean turned to his brother. Sam could see he was trying to organize his thoughts. "Dean, just tell me."

Dean, always one to be blunt, did just that. "Dads got cancer. She said he wasn't going to make it."

All the air left Sams lungs and he started feeling light headed. Cas was there instantly, holding him tight while leading him to the waiting room couch.

His dad was dying. His dad, who hated him, was dying. Bobby sat beside him while Dean kneeled in front of him. Jess came up behind Dean and placed on hand on his shoulder and one hand on Sams. Sam breathed in, he breathed out. Nope, nothing changed. He was still here, surrounded by all the people who loved him. His dad was still dying.

But over all...Sam didn't feel anything. What was he suppose to feel? He turned his eyes to his brother. "She wants us to go see him." It wasn't a question. He already knew.

Dean nodded his head. "Yeah, told Jess we should come and be with him in his final days and all that crap. I will tell her like i told Jess, that man had been dead to me since the night he told you to leave. He has washed his hands of us and i want nothing to do with him."

Sam knew he should'nt have but he was still shocked by his brothers revelations. He had always been close to their dad. "Don't you want some sort of closer Dean. Maybe...Maybe he changed." Sam could only hope but he knew deep down his dad would never change. He was too set in his ways.

Dean looked skeptical. "Do you believe that Sam?" Slowly Sam shook his head. "Sam, I want nothing to do with the man. As far as im concerned Bobby is the only father we have now." Sam noted how Bobby flushed red as his chest swelled with pride. "But if you said you wanted to see him, I'd go with you. You know that." Jess quickly seconded that with Bobby nodding his head in agreement.

Sam turned to Cas. His boyfriend was looking closly at Sam, gauging his reactions and emotions. He smiled at Sam. "Sam, you know you don't even have to ask. I love you. Deeply. And I want to be with you for as long as you will have me."

Sams heart felt too big for his chest. This man was truly amazing. And all his. "Careful there Cas, that could be a very long time." He said it only half jokingly. He never wanted to let him go.

Cas smiled again, kissed his cheek, and whispered in his ear. "Nothing would make me happier."

Sam smiled at him then turned to everyone else, who had similar smiles on their faces. "I'm not sure. I...I really don't feel anything right now. I'm just kind of...numb."

Dean covered one of his hands with his own. "I know she said he was dying Sam, But don't rush it. Wait as long as you need. And when your ready, no matter the choice, we will be there." Again all heads nodded.

Sam let out a breath he wasn't aware he had been holding. His dad was dying, his mom had shocked the hell out of him by showing up, but through it all his family, the only family he really had anymore was still there beside him. Would always be there. How did he get so damn lucky!

Dean clapped his hands together. "Ok, get your jackets, we're all going to The Roadhouse and filling up on Carbs and Beer!"

Sam was getting up but paused. "Dean, I can't leave. We still have a few hours left."

Jess smiled her chesher cat smile. "No, we don't. I knew you would fell drained, don't deny that you dont, so i resheduled them for tomorrow."

Sam did feel drained and he felt so grateful for having Jess with him. She thought of everything. "I owe you."

She laughed. "i take money and coffee."

Cas wrapped Sam in a hug. "Luckily i know were Hook you up with some free latte's!"

Dean turned to bobby. "You in old man?"

Bobby smacked him upside his head, "This old man can still kick your ass boy. Hell yes i'm in." Sam smirked. He suspected the bigger reason, aside from wanting to be there for him and Dean, was of his not so secret crush on Ellen. But he didn't say anything.

That night they ate till they thought they would explode, drank even more, and watched as Cas whipped Dean at Darts. That was something to see. As they all said good night he was surprised when Dean crushed him in hug that was almost painful but he returned just as much. "Love you little brother."

Sam whispered, "Love you too Dean." He would never have made it without his brother by his side. He knew that. His brother was his rock.

Him and Cas made their way to his apartment. Cas hadn't asked but Sam really wanted him with him tonight so Cas didn't say anything when he drove them straight to his place.

Later after Cas had fallen alseep, Sam lay awake, his mind refusing to slow. Did he want to see his dad again. It only took one look from his mom before he passed out for gods sake! Could he handle anymore possible rejection from him? But in the back of his mind he knew he needed too. Dean may not need closer, but Sam did. It didn't mean that just the thought of seeing the man again didn't scare Sam shitless. Could he handle it?

As if sensing Sams thoughts Cas tightened his hold of Sam in his arms, placing a kiss to his temple before sighing softly and easing into sleep again. Sam decided that he would think more on it in the morning. Because no matter what, his family would be there, Cas would be there. And that thought alone made Sam feel like he could take on the world.

"I love you" he whispered to Cas before letting the soft breaths of his boyfriend lull him to sleep.


	10. Chapter 10

Sam was sitting in the bathroom of his apartment, leaning against the door. He has no idea how long he had been there. The tears that had fallen down his cheeks long since dried up but his eyes still watered.

Staring at the wall in front of him he thought back to the morning he had had. He had woken with a rose on his pillow and a note from Cas saying he would see him later and that he loved him. Smiling he had gotten out of bed and gotten ready to go on his run. The easy pace he set relaxing him and letting his mind wonder. Mostly he had thought about his dad. Could he forgive him for all that he had done? Could he see him again? Would it make him a bad person if he didn't and his father died without ever seeing his youngest son again?

As he made his way up the steps to Starbucks he thought more about going to see him. Dean said he would be there with him. As did Cas. He thought he would be ok as long as he had them with him.

He opened the door but stopped before he could step inside. Cas was leaning over the counter, talking to a pretty brunette, her fingers drawing circles on his hand. Cas was smiling at her and tilting his head slightly in that way that Sam had always thought was adorable. But now made his stomach turn.

Sam Slammed his head hard against the door as the tears fell again. He knew he was insecure. He knew he could be needy. But he didn't think he was in the wrong. When Cas came out to find him after he had quickly left he had asked him about her. His stomach threatened to empty again as he thought back to their argument.

 _Sam was walking back the way he came when a hand grabbed his elbow. Turning he_ _looked at his boyfriend. "What?" he asked coldly._

 _Cas' smile dropped. "Sam, what is wrong? Why didn't you come in?"_

 _Sam stared. Seriously? " Well you looked a little busy." Sam tried to take his arm back but Cas held firm._

 _Cas actually looked confused. "I am never too busy for you Sam. You know that. Whats wrong?"_

 _Sam took a deep breath. "Who was she?'_

 _"Who was who?" Cas asked, taking a step closer to Sam. Sam took a step back._

 _His boyfriend looked surprised by this and dropped his hold on him. Sam too the chance to take another step back. "The girl that was hanging all over you at the counter?"_

 _Cas' eyebrows crinkled, then understanding reached them. "Hannah?"_

 _Sam felt sick. He knew who Hannah was. Hannah was one of the only girls Cas had ever dated. And was his longest relationship. They had dated for almost two years back in College before Cas figured out he liked being with guys more than girls and broke up with her. He knew she had fought him over it. Even offered to let him had some fun on the side as long as they could stay together. Cas, being the amazing man he was, couldn't do that to her._

 _He had told Sam that yes he had loved her. But it wasn't enough._

 _Sam felt his eyes water. Damn it he was not going to cry. It was probably nothing. "So that's Hannah?" She was pretty, Sam could admit that. Even though he was gay he could see the attractiveness of women. He just didn't feel anything sexual._

 _Cas nodded. "Yes, that's Hannah. She's in town visiting some friends and found out i work here. She came to say hi."_

 _Sam snorted. "Yeah, looked like she was saying alot more than hi." He knew he sounded bitter. He didn't care._

 _Cas' eyes narrowed. "What do you mean Sam? She was simply telling me what has been going on with her. She recently suffered a bad break up and is looking to start fresh."_

 _Sam stared at Cas. Could he really not see why he was so upset? "So she has to get handsy with her ex-boyfriend, MY boyfriend, while she tells you her sob story?"_

 _Cas' eyes widened in shock then anger clouded them. "There is no need for that Sam. She is going through a hard time. All she wanted was someone to talk too."_

 _"So she came to the ex she would have given anything to be with? Yeah, sounds more like she wants another shot." Cas looked away, a tell tale sign that he wasn't too far from the truth. "Did she ask you out?"_

 _Cas looked to Sam then away. He huffed out a frustrated sigh. "She asked me out for coffee."_

 _Sam nodded. "Ok, And did you happen to tell her about me?"_

 _Cas dropped his head. Sam felt like he had been dipped in an ice bath. Before he could say anything Hannah walked out, right up to Cas and grabbed his hand. "Call me Cas so we can set up that date yeah?" She didn't wait for a reply, didn't even seem aware that Sam was there before she was walking off down the street._

 _Sam looked at his boyfriend, who refused to look at him, then shook his head and started home. He got two steps before Cas was standing in front of him. "Sam, please let me explain."_

 _Sam was in no mood for an explanation. Cas had agreed to a date with his ex. She had stood right in front of him and he never said a word about Sam. For however long they were talking he never once thought to bring up the fact that he was in a relationship. That right there said it all to Sam._

 _He shoved past Cas and started up again. Cas didn't let up. "Sam please. I didn't know how to tell her. I knew she was hurting and i didn't want to hurt her even more. I was gong to tell her when we met for coffee._

 _Sam turned and pushed his boyfriend back. "Yeah Cas! And were you going to tell me about her? About meeting her for your DATE?" He spit the last word out._

 _Cas pleaded "I didn't want to rub it in her face that i was happy. I didn't want to hurt her."_

 _"But your ok with hurting me?! Your ok with just not telling her about me? How is it going to hurt her less when your out Cas?"_

 _Cas shook his head. "I didn't think." Sam didn't let him finish. "No, You didn't think! Didn't think about me. Didn't think about what i might think walking in on my boyfriends ex hanging all over him!"_

 _Cas' eyes narrowed again. "I told you i didn't want to hurt her Sam. I didn't think about the fact that you would be coming in soon."_

 _Again Sam didn't_ let _him finish. "It shouldn't matter if i'm there or not Cas! You should have thought about how i would feel if i came in and saw that! You shouldn't have let her get a finger on you!."_

 _Cas walked up to him until there was only about an inch between them. "So my every thought should be of you just because we're dating? I shouldn't make room for other people in my life? I thought my boyfriend would understand the need to help someone! I thought my boyfriend would trust me! God Sam, i thought that if we were together long enough that that would fix you being so insecure about EVERYTHING!"_

 _Sam's jaw dropped and the tears he had painstakingly held back finally broke. He looked at Cas, who looked like he would cut off his hands just to be able to take the words back. But he couldn't. The damage was done. What was it people said? 'Nothing is the truth until it comes out in a fit of rage?' Cas had been holding onto that probably since they started dating._

 _And now Sam knew the truth. "I never lied to you Cas. I told you everything there was about me. Every feeling i had i never tried to hide it. And you said you understood, that it was ok, that you would be there for me and that it would never be a problem. Guess it was just too much for you. I'm sorry i'm too much of a head case for you. I'm sorry i have too many problems for you too deal with. I'm sorry." His throat tightened up at the last word._

 _He turned as Cas started to speak. "Sam, please let me.."_

 _Sam shook his head. "For what its worth, i do trust you Cas. More than anyone except maybe Dean. And i would have understood. Your one of the sweetest guys i know. Maybe thats why you let her touch you. Its other people i can't trust Cas. I..." But he didn't know what else to say. So he ran. He ran home with tears falling fast down his cheeks, with his boyfriends voice echoing in his head as he shouted for Sam to come back. Please just come back._

Sam was brought out of his memory by a soft knock on the Bathroom door. He didn't say anything.

Another soft knock. "Sam?"

Sams heart beat painfully. Cas.

"Sam, please open the door baby." Sam shook his head, feeling slightly foolish since he knew Cas couldn't see him.

The sound of something sliding against the wood on the other side had Sam wiping his eyes and sitting up. Cas was now sitting against the door on the other side. Light scrapes indicated that he had his hand against it.

Sam heard Cas take a deep breath. "Sam, I am so sorry."

More tears. Do they ever run out? He listened to his boyfriend on the other side. Part of him wanting to open the door but still hurting too much to do so.

"Sam" Cas started again. "I...When she came in i was shocked. i hadn't seen here since we graduated. We started talking and a little before I saw you walking away is when i noticed her hand on mine. I pulled away but i should have noticed sooner. Her touch isn't yours and i should have noticed that. It was something that she always use too do."

Sam shut his eyes. He really didn't want to hear about anything she use to do. But Cas wasn't done. "You were right. She asked me out after i moved my hand. I should have told her about you right then. i should have put you first. Everything you said was true Sam. I should have never gave her false hope. I should have never gave you a reason to doubt me. After everything you told me Eric had done i should have known how you would feel and should have done everything in my power to stop it."

Sam heard a slight sob on the other side. Cas was crying. That made more tears fall. "So why didn't you?" he asked.

Cas sounded closer. Like he was laying his head right against the door. "I really just did not want to hurt her Sam. She found her boyfriend in bed with her best friend and i felt like I would be rubbing salt into her wound if i told her how happy I was. That being said, I should have cared more about your wounds Sam. I can only imagine how it hurt. Did it...Did it remind you of when you learned the truth about eric?" He sounded hesitant to ask.

Sam thought back to when he saw her hand on Cas'. His smile toward her. Not mocking like Eric' had been, but..."Yes." He whispered softly.

He heard another sob from Cas before the handle tried to turn. "Baby, Please let me in. Please let me see you." Cas pleaded again, like he would die if he wasn't about to be where Sam was just now.

Sam still hurt bad but he really wanted to see his boyfriend. Getting up he groaned as his back popped. He was young but leaning against a door for however long he was still sucked no matter how old you were.

He turned the lock and opened the door. Cas quickly got up and before Sam could blink his boyfriends arms were around him, his face in Sam' neck, breath coming harshly. Sam wrapped his arms around him, mirroring his posture and breathing the musky scent of his cologne in.

A few minutes past before Cas pulled back and took Sam' face in his hands. "Baby I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I never want to be a reminder of what that son of a bitch did to you. I'm so sorry." He kept repeating over and over while he leaned up to rest his forehead to Sam'.

Sam let him for a moment before he pulled back. He saw a hurt look pass through Cas' eyes. "And what you said about fixing me?"

Cas let go of his face and instead grabbed his hands. "I didn't mean it like i had said it Sam. I swear. I only meant that i know you still have a hard time trusting people. That if i could show you that people care about you, that not everyone will hurt you, that you wouldn't hurt as much. Maybe it would help you face your father if that is what you chose. Baby." Cas leaned in again, "I never meant to imply that you were broken. That you needed to be fixed. I just want you to be able to understand that if you do break, I will be there to help put you back together. I always will."

Sam took a shuttering breath before letting it out. Everything Cas said help sooth the hurt he had felt. Everything he had said is exactly what he needed to hear. Cas would never hurt him. Not intentionally. He could trust Cas. And like he said, he did.

He smiled softly before pulling Cas in and kissed him. Arms wrapped tightly around each other they let the world go by while let the other love them, be there for them.

After a few moments they broke apart, Cas not going to far. "I love you Sam. I love you so much. I'm so sorry for hurting you."

Sam hugged him before pulling him to the bed, laying down before pulling his boyfriend with him. "I know Cas." His voice was still rough with the tears he had shed. "If...If you still want to go for coffee with her i understand. She is still your friend."

Cas was shaking his head before he was done speaking. "No. Right after you ran I went inside and told my boss an emergency came up and that i had to leave. I called her on my way here and told her i was sorry but I wouldn't be able to meet with her unless my boyfriend came with me. As you predicted, she was upset. Saying that i lead her to believe me single. I apologized and told her that was not my intention. She would not let me speak. Asked me not to call her again and hung up." He sounded upset and Sam didn't blame him for it. His boyfriend really was one of the most gentle people he had ever met. He was loath to hurt anyone. Especially someone he cared about.

Sam hugged him tight. "I'm sorry Cas. You didn't want to hurt her and it happened anyway. I'm sorry."

Cas looked at him. "As am I but it needed to be done. I will never hurt you to save someone else pain again Sam. I love you and your happiness comes before anyone else."

Sam laughed as he cried again. He told Cas he loved him and kissed him again.

They spent some time just trading sweet kissed and loving touches before Sam's stomach grumbled. He chuckled, embarrassed, as Cas smiled at him. "Sorry, I didn't get my muffin this morning."

Cas had a pained look in his eyes, a reminder that he was the reason for that, before he got out of bed and pulled Sam with him. "Well lets fix that shall we? You go take a shower and when you get out I will have some breakfast for us. Ok?"

Sam nodded, that sounded perfect. Cas kissed him again before making his way into the kitchen.

As Sam was walking into the bathroom, change of clothes in hand, his cell started ringing. Deans ringtone blaring AC/DC.

He picked it up quickly "Hey Dean."

Naturally, Deans big brother instincts picked up on everything that had to do with Sam. Including how he sounded after he had been crying. "Sammy? Whats wrong? Why are you crying?"

Before Sam could explain anything to him he heard the Impala door shut and her engine starting up. "I'm coming over Sammy. I'll be there soon." He hung up before he could say anything.

Knowing he couldn't take a shower, he gave it about five minutes before Dean would be pounding on his door, he went to the kitchen in search of his boyfriend.

Cas was scrambling eggs in a bowl. He turned when he heard Sam' footsteps. His smile dropped when he saw the worried look on his face. "Whats wrong Sam?"

Sam took a deep breath. "So Dean called." Cas paled. He knew through Sam about Deans insane big brother tendencies. How he can see how Sam was feeling with just a look. "He's coming over...Now."

He didn't know wither to laugh or rush to his boyfriend and hug him when Cas dropped the whisk into the bowl.


End file.
